Sol (00:01)
Welcome back to Co-Parenting Beyond Conflict. I'm your host, Sol. Today we're diving into a topic that so many co-parents and divorced individuals face, dating again. The idea of starting over can feel daunting, but there is hope. Our guest today is Hope Petrow, a dating and mindset coach who specializes in helping divorced women rebuild their confidence and attract the right partner. Hope's own journey from heartbreak to finding her dream relationship

has inspired her to help others step into their next chapter with clarity and excitement. She's here to share her insights on the biggest dating mistakes divorced people make, how to break unhealthy patterns, and what it takes to manifest a fulfilling, lasting relationship. If you've been feeling stuck or unsure about dating again, especially with kids, this episode is for you. Let's dive in.

Sol (00:44)
Hi welcome to our podcast. Thanks for being here today.

Hope Petrow (00:46)
Hi,

thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here.

Sol (00:50)
I have been so excited this interview space with you today. I'm very curious to learn more you do and what you offer to your so curious about your story.

Hope Petrow (01:01)
Well, thank you. I will tell you, I myself have been divorced. I was married for 16 years, it ended abruptly when I found out that he had a girlfriend for two years. And I decided I had to really choose to change my own mindset and look for joy so that I could

bring happiness into my life. I decided that I wanted to be married again. I decided that I wanted to have more children. Doing that meant that I had to do a lot of research and it took me a few years to get to a point where I felt ready to move on. Not too long after the official divorce because you how long the process is.

But when I did move on, I met the love of my life when I was 39. We had three babies after I turned 40, making me a mom of five. And I just felt so happy in this life that I manifested and worked for that I wanted to teach other people who have been through divorce how to find love again in every way from building confidence again with how to,

to a prospective partner and how to communicate with them to build something really long term.

Sol (02:15)
I love your message of hope and joy and into that next chapter of your life. is incredibly challenging at times and yet there is hope. There something to look forward to in that next chapter.

Hope Petrow (02:26)
Yeah.

There really is. I meet so many people that I work with who come to me and feel, "I'm 39, I'm gonna be 40," however old they are, and they feel like they don't have this great future ahead of them. They feel very bitter, they feel very upset. Co-parenting is exhausting and difficult, and they're dealing with that. So they don't really see that room for themselves

to do something because it's what they want. But ultimately doing something because it's what you want is going to turn out to be best for your kids too, because your happiness is going to make you a better parent.

Sol (03:08)
I hear a lot, especially when people are early on, they haven't committed to divorce yet or they're going through the divorce process. I lot of guilt and fear about stepping into the next chapter and especially repeating past mistakes. Can you relate to that? Is that something felt early on?

Hope Petrow (03:25)
Of course. I think that it's such a common fear that you're worried that you're going to find yourself with another person who is going to take advantage of you or hurt you. And it's our own natural instincts to protect our heart that comes back from caveman days, we have that flight or fight instinct.

Ultimately, when you sit down with yourself and ask yourself some of the difficult questions about what you really out of life, what is the consequences of bitter and staying mad and staying hurt? That means you're not going to be able to have the future that you want. You're not going to be able to take the steps towards a life where you feel healed and confident and happy. And

having confidence and happiness takes work. I like to say that joy is not something that just happens, it's a skill that you learn. And you learn it through choosing to manifest that better life and learn the skills that it takes to reach the goals that you have and towards

identifying exactly what it is that you want. Because when you're crystal clear on what you want for your future, you know exactly what steps you need to take to get there.

Sol (04:42)
Yeah, I hear that. I think a lot of co-parents, early on, experience this fear of being worried about repeating those past also think it's an important consideration, right? Because sometimes people do find themselves waking up to a marriage

some personality disorders at play, there's some repetitions maybe of some childhood What are some practical ways you might coach a client into avoiding repeating some of those same mistakes?

Hope Petrow (05:15)
I would say first identifying the problems that you faced, being really clear on, what you've experienced and being realistic with yourself about what might have been your part in accepting it and having boundaries, what boundaries are necessary for you to create so that when you get into a relationship with the next person, they're not overstepping,

and working on communication skills. I think a lot of times, once you're in a healthy relationship, your partner will say things to you that they don't necessarily mean in a negative way, but that trauma and PTSD from having a difficult relationship might make you interpret it that way at first. So being able to really sit with yourself for a second and look at the whole picture.

I know that this person has proven through their actions that they care about me, that they want the best for me and they're not likely to have negative intentions here. if they do have negative intentions, not entertaining it, especially early on. When you first start dating, if you're, at a dinner with someone, you're sitting across from the table from them,

and you're confused about the way that they're acting, maybe you don't understand. I tell my clients to ask themselves this: Is the way this person that you're on a date with acting, is the way that you want your true soulmate connection, the person you grow old with to And if not, leave. We're not wasting any time here.

Sol (06:43)
Hm-hm.

Hope Petrow (06:47)
with people who have red flags coming up. We need to be very, very clear on exactly what you want. I think that's so important. And also just working on your own skills in confidence and taking a breather again in a situation where that might come up that might trigger a lot of feelings and looking at it from a whole perspective instead of that instant reaction of fight or flight.

More just getting a whole picture and understanding the motives and communicating. Those are skills that are necessary to get back into a relationship and have something that's going to really last forever.

Sol (07:23)
I think a lot of us can relate that feeling of maybe not even having enough confidence to notice a red flag and walk away, right? I think a lot of people, it's

Hope Petrow (07:32)
That's,

is. That's something that I see so often, Sol, is that people that they deserve exactly what they want. So they instead find themselves settling. I think one of the biggest mistakes divorced people make in their next relationship is that they settle they have convinced themselves that they don't deserve

that kind of high quality partner that they imagine. That's why I coach my clients to really sit down and identify your perfect dream life. What kind of house would you live in? Will you have more kids? What will you and your partner do together? What kind of date nights will you go on?

And if you don't feel like you deserve exactly what you want and you're wasting time with people who can't give that to you, then we need to pause everything and we need to work on that confidence to feel like you can have it. And even sometimes when you identify exactly what you want, you might recognize in yourself some changes that you need to make in order to get there.

So for example, if you want someone who is very successful and interested in a certain thing, you might want to start getting interested in that thing. You might want to start, if you want to date a musician, going to some concerts, learning more about music, depending on what it is that you want, you might see changes that you need to make in yourself so you can show up as that person

that will be a perfect partner to your partner.

Sol (09:05)
What I'm hearing in all that that divorce really can be a reset of life, a reset of expectations. Here you are, you're older than when you made that choice to get married to that previous partner. So this is an opportunity for you to say, okay, this is what I'm calling in now. This is what I'm willing to accept now and raise that bar a little bit.

Hope Petrow (09:13)
It really is.

Exactly. I met my ex-husband when I was 22. He was the singer of a popular death metal band. Now, of course, 22 year old me thought that was the coolest thing ever. So I married him. I grew up with wealthy parents, but my parents were also very

I just had a toxic upbringing. I repelled money and we lived in poverty my entire adult life until I was about 40 and I met my current husband. I really feel that I those things without realizing it, of my with growing up with money and because of just thinking death metal was cool at the time. manifested those things.

But I didn't really know what manifestation was. And then as I got older and I realized that, that's when I really got clear on exactly what I wanted. I wanted my sexy, successful husband. I wanted to have more kids. I wanted a big house. I wanted to be able to have travel and time to take care of myself. And I have those things now.

was willing to accept that yes, my life is hard. Yes, I'm at a crossroads. Yes, I was betrayed beyond measure. but I refuse to live the rest of my life bitter, letting myself be a victim. Once you're really ready to change that mindset is when the real crossroad happens, because

when you open up yourself. It doesn't happen right away, but over time you're opening up to more positive and better experiences.

Sol (10:55)
I know for me too, taking some time off after divorce from dating at all was really Often I hear the story of jumping in too quickly can result in similar outcomes.

Hope Petrow (11:07)
I think that it's a little bit different depending on the amount of healing that you've done.

For some of my clients, they're in a sexless marriage for years. They're a marriage where there's no communication and they just kind of get to the point where they're healing inside of their marriage. And when I meet them, I see that they're ready. And sometimes I meet people haven't had that time inside of their marriage to process yet. But it's true. You're right to say that either way,

obviously have to process and heal. And healing is intentional. It's something that you have to choose to do. Because the pain of divorce, especially the pain of divorce from betrayal is so deep and intense, that feeling like you will never be able to get over it.

So healing is just mandatory. You have to give yourself that time. And it's gonna take a different amount of time for every person. That's not ever something where I would wanna rush my clients or encourage them to get right back into dating. It's a very personal choice.

Sol (12:12)
Yeah, when someone feels like they are ready start exploring dating again and they have kids, how do you how do you juggle being a co-parent and dating?

Hope Petrow (12:19)
Mm-hmm.

It is really hard. For me, I remember I would have my up my kids for the day. So I could go on a hike, or something with my new partner. And it was really hard because I started dating during COVID. So everything was shut down, and, you can't really meet new people during COVID. So lots of virtual dates.

Sol (12:46)
That was

a wild time.

Hope Petrow (12:47)
Oh my goodness,

it sure was. How old were your kids? So you just had little ones, two and four, I guess, during that time. Oh my goodness. Oh, that's such a hard time. Yeah, mine were 12 and 14. When my son went into high school, his first year of high school was just Yeah, it was a crazy time.

Sol (12:52)
Yes, correct,

Wow.

Hope Petrow (13:07)
My ex-husband and I were at a point where we were trying to on things. then, thought we were working on things, but then I found out about his girlfriend. So that was kind of an off

Trying to manage being a single mom during that time and date, I can relate to how very, very difficult it was. But yeah, just I would say finding someone who can take care of your kids and maybe picking one day a week where you're going to go out and you're going to do something. And if you meet someone, this is something that I like to be very clear about when I am

Sol (13:27)
Yeah.

Hope Petrow (13:43)
coaching people who are parents. When you start dating someone and you're one or two dates in and they're not asking you about your kids and showing some genuine interest in your children, no. That is a person that you walk away from immediately. Because if someone's not genuinely interested in literally the most important thing in your life, which is your children, that's never going to be a connection. I had a woman come to me, she's like,

I've been with this guy for two years and he never shows any interest in my children. So date, he's not at least asking or she's not at least asking one or two questions, it's over.

Sol (14:18)
Hope that's such a great, I wanna underline that. That's I mean, I can relate when I started dating again, there was an aspect of me where I kind of hid that I was a father to be Like I felt like maybe it was a little bit ashamed or kind of the story, no one's gonna wanna date a divorced dad, right? I would just date when I didn't have my kids.

Hope Petrow (14:20)
Ahahaha!

Sol (14:40)
But then it wasn't integrated, right? And there wasn't that, because I'm a dad. hear your advice and I think that that's just gold that you want to date partners that. Yeah, maybe a little of that. Yeah, selfish dating and also just this feeling a woman wouldn't want to date me as a dad. They wanted to date me as a single guy.

Hope Petrow (14:48)
I think what you're saying is you felt selfish dating maybe.

Yeah.

Sol (15:03)
and that if I was talking about my kids that maybe they wouldn't be interested. And so I kind of firewalled that aspect of myself and dad life on these days and then dating life on different days. And don't think that that was healthy. And I ended up attracting partners that weren't that interested in ever becoming parents, and that wasn't helpful.

Hope Petrow (15:19)
Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that's

a fine way to date if you're just wanting a weekend fling or something. But the people that I work with are looking to get married again, they're looking for long-term connections. And when you're looking for a long-term, soulmate connection, you need someone who loves your kids and appreciates you. Being completely authentic is how we don't waste any time, with people who don't

Sol (15:35)
Totally.

Hope Petrow (15:48)
appreciate us and love us for who we are. I always encourage people to just flaunt all your unique qualities and your crazy hobbies and the things that you love because the person that's right for you is going to be so attracted to that. And it's true, we will repel people that are not meant for us, but what does it matter? They're not meant for us. Yes. my gosh.

Sol (16:09)
Yeah, I love that. That's such good advice. Be weird, right? Be your weird self. guess you'll attract the right weird.

Hope Petrow (16:16)
Tonight, actually,

I'm taking my husband to Tyr concert. They're my very favorite band. I think that on our first date, I spent a good hour talking about folk metal.

So I just, I told him all about that and not even realizing, because he was just so easy to talk to. And he completely let me in. He had an animal sanctuary.

And he told me all about that and a hawk that he had adopted. And these things that do make you unique people are just, they're interesting. They make for good conversation. And again, the person who's right for you is going to be so happy and love your passion and be so attracted to that.

Sol (16:53)
I love of kids, at what point is it right when you're dating someone to introduce to your kids?

Hope Petrow (17:02)
I think the point that it's right is when you know that this is a person who's going to be a major part of your life. I mean, meeting at a park or something casual is one thing. But when you know that this is a person who's really going to be part of your life, that you want to be part of your children's lives, that's when it's time.

And I'll tell you, it will happen when you're ready. kids accidentally met my husband. And that was, was telling you, I had my aunt, she would pick up the kids, right? So once we were a few dates in, he slept over at my house, and I had my kids with my aunt, and she had an appointment that she didn't tell me about and forgot about. So she just dropped them off and they just walked in and met him.

That's not at all how I intended that to happen. So I was just like, this is my friend. I'm thinking quickly. We're just, we were about to go get bagels. He definitely did not spend the night here. We're just going to get you guys bagels. They were, yeah, they were 12 and 14. So they probably knew, but what can you do? But.

Sol (17:57)
And your kids at that point were a little older, so they were like...

Hope Petrow (18:05)
If I had planned it, we did plan like a little bit later, their first, real meeting. Once we were ready to really explain it to them, we planned just a little trip to some vintage stores where he bought them some jackets and a couple pieces of clothes, nothing big.

Because that's what teenagers were into at the time. What I recommend to parents who are introducing a new partner is to really just keep it casual. Especially those Type A personalities, they have the instinct that they're going to plan a dinner, they're going to plan the conversation. Everything has to go just right. But it never works out that way anyway.

So the most ideal is just very casual. Let the kids really come to your new partner and start asking them questions and just keep it very fun and light, like just an ice cream date, maybe roller skating for an hour. Don't plan an all day thing, because that's going to be very overwhelming for the kids. Just something quick as that first one.

I would even say after that, just so they get used to you building a relationship with this person, say, okay, now mom and, you know, my new partner are going to go out to dinner. So they get to meet you and then afterwards you go out to dinner because that way they're understanding that you're building a close relationship with this person.

Sol (19:22)
Right. Even if they weren't necessarily aware of the early parts of the relationship, you're helping them see that a relationship is forming and get used to that.

Hope Petrow (19:31)
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Thank you.

Sol (19:32)
Yeah, that's beautiful.

I'd love dive in now relationships post What does a healthy relationship look like to How can someone know that they're forming a healthy relationship?

Hope Petrow (19:46)
First is that you're able to speak your mind openly. As soon as you start feeling that you have to censor yourself, you're not in a healthy relationship. As soon as you start feeling like you have to protect the other person's feelings from your own feelings, you're not in a healthy relationship. And check how much you are

experiencing joy. So many people come from marriages where they got very used to minimal conversation and being very close. A lot of divorced people jump into an early relationship as if it's a long-term marriage.

That's not going to be healthy for an early relationship because an early relationship should be fun and happy and there should be boundaries. There needs to be boundaries. married people are often not used to having those types of boundaries. So they're thinking that they can call and say anything and be involved in everything. But you have to be able to step back and

check in with yourself as well. You have to say, am I willing to be a good partner to this person? Am I willing to be what they need, if I'm expecting them to do the same for me? And keep asking yourself, am I happy? Do I feel like this is right? Do I feel like the actions that are happening here reflect what I want in my true soulmate connection?

Because if not it's not for you.

Sol (21:19)
Do you have any advice for our listeners around blended families? I understand you have kids from your new partnership as well as your previous How did they meet and how did that evolve?

Hope Petrow (21:28)
I do. Yeah.

You know, it just started with little things. My partner did not have children when I first met him, but I did have two children that were 12 and 14 when he met them. So he would just start getting involved with them, asking about little things where he could help them, or when my car broke down, we were just a few months into our relationship, he had my kids come and help him fix my car.

with their homework and just an interest. would really recommend that the parent going into this take an interest in the If you are the parent who has children and you're welcoming a new partner,

really be open to that relationship at their own pace. I think that a lot of people want to control it. Every instinct in us wants to control that relationship between our partner and our children. But if we don't let it develop naturally between them, they're not going to be able to get to that really close space. We took time with each other to date.

So why not take the kids to a movies? Why not go

dates with the kids? When Richard and I started dating, we just started doing a lot of zoo trips and things that we could all do together because that way he could get to know them. It's casual, it's fun. So just doing your best. And another thing I want to point out on the other side is I have met a few

step parents that have resentment towards their stepkids. There's resentment because maybe as the step kid gets older, he or she is saying bad things about you to the former partner. And that can all get very, very complicated and bring up a lot of emotions.

So check in with yourself often reminding yourself that these are children. Their intentions are not the same as an adult. You might think that your step kid hates you, but they're kids. If you make an effort,

they're going to come around, they're gonna wanna have a good relationship with you. And I emphasize that if you cannot put your feelings aside for that child's other parent, that you shouldn't be in a relationship with the parent that you're dating.

Sol (23:48)
Mm-hmm. I know a lot of co-parents too fall into having a reaction when they see their ex starting to date again. Do you have any advice for that experience of seeing your ex dating and being with your kids and to navigate that?

Hope Petrow (24:07)
is,

Yeah, when it comes to your ex's feelings, want everyone listening to really recognize that your ex's feelings are not your responsibility. As long as your children are safe and you're informing in the way that you should and possibly using the BestInterest app to make sure to moderate your tone,

as long as that's happening, your ex's emotional reaction is no longer something that you're responsible for. But when it comes to your own feelings regarding your children being around someone else, that's something that is very difficult. I think just recognizing how difficult it is and giving yourself some space for self care and

talking to a friend and reaching out and planning some activities for yourself that you can do so you're not just sitting at home while something that's very, triggering for you is happening. And then just communicating with your kids, letting them know that you love them so much and ultimately want them to be happy.

Try to really believe, and I know this is so much easier said than done, that another person in their life who cares about them and who really wants the best for them is a good thing. It's obviously a whole other issue if this person doesn't care about them and doesn't want the best for them, but if you have someone in their life who cares about them, then that's good for them. Try to believe that.

Sol (25:31)
Yeah, and that's definitely the were able to both individually create two loving homes with loving people that support our kids and being able to navigate that together.

Hope Petrow (25:43)
Yeah.

That's what I probably I would have wanted for my kids. My ex just decided, cool. I don't have to be a parent anymore. And just stopped being involved in their life. So I got full custody and have had it since the divorce. And had a different kind of hard that level.

Sol (26:00)
thank you so much for being on the podcast today. It's been a really informative interview and filled with hope and joy. I really the energy that you bring.

Hope Petrow (26:10)
Thank you so much.

Sol (26:11)
For listeners that would like to connect with you and learn more about what you how can they reach you?

Hope Petrow (26:16)
My website is HopePetrow.com H-O-P-E, P-E-T-R-O-W. Everyone says petro because that's how it's spelled, but it's HopePetrow.com. And if you go to HopePetrow.com/gift,

(G-I-F-T), I do have a Perfect Partner Blueprint that I can offer you for free. The reason that I made this Perfect Partner Blueprint is because when I first decided to start dating and when I first decided that I was going to use manifestation to the positive, to my own benefit, I created this long list of exactly what I wanted.

So for someone who might want to do something like that, but don't necessarily know exactly what questions to ask themselves, that's why I created this Perfect Partner Blueprint. And like I mentioned, it's totally free. Just HopePetrow.com/gift. And I'm also on Instagram and Facebook, Hope Petrow, and LinkedIn.

Sol (27:15)
That sounds

really amazing Hope I hope that our listeners check that out. Thank you so much for being on the podcast today.

Hope Petrow (27:19)
Thank you.

Thank you so much, Sol.

Sol (27:24)
Thanks for joining us on the Coparenting Beyond Conflict podcast. To support our show, subscribe or leave a rating. Links for all books and resources mentioned on appear in our show notes or on CoparentingBeyondConflict.com. See you next time.

Sol (27:42)
The commentary and opinions available on this podcast are for informational and entertainment purposes only, and not for the purpose of providing legal or psychological advice. You should contact a licensed attorney, coach, or therapist in your state to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.